Tej Kohli Business Blog

Tej Kohli business blog hits back with another hysterical piece of humor.
Do you know how Information flows in a corporate hierarchy?
Here is an example:

Memo from CEO to Manager:
Today at 11 o’clock there will be a total eclipse of the sun. This is
when the sun disappears behind the moon for two minutes. As this is
something that cannot be seen every day, time will be allowed for
employees to view the eclipse in the parking lot. Staff should meet in
the lot at ten to eleven, when I will deliver a short speech introducing
the eclipse, and giving some background information. Safety goggles will
be made available at a small cost.

Memo from Manager to Department Head:
Today at ten to eleven, all staff should meet in the car park. This will
be followed by a total eclipse of the sun, which will appear for two
minutes. For a moderate cost, this will be made safe with goggles. The
CEO will deliver a short speech beforehand to give us all some
information. This is not something that can be seen every day.

Memo from Department Head to Floor Manager:
The CEO will today deliver a short speech to make the sun disappear for
two minutes in the form of an eclipse. This is something that cannot be
seen every day, so staff will meet in the car park at ten or eleven.
This will be safe, if you pay a moderate cost.

Memo From Floor Manager to Supervisor:
Ten or eleven staff are to go to the car park, where the CEO will
eclipse the sun for two minutes. This doesn’t happen every day. It will
be safe, and as usual it will cost you.

Memo from Supervisor to staff:
Some staff will go to the car park today to see the CEO disappear.
It is a pity this doesn’t happen everyday.

Goshh… Now this is what you call memo degradation. Poor CEO was reduced to the laughingstock of the entire office.

Security provider Webroot debuted its first data centre in the southern hemisphere to support its expansion into the Asia Pacific market.

Located in the Southern Sydney suburb of Mascot, the data centre represents a $1 million investment in the vendor’s Software as a Service (SaaS) business model in the region.

Anticipating a robust, educated market in Australia, Webroot COO Mike Irwin said that the Sydney data centre was an important milestone in the company’s expansion in the Asia Pacific region.

“Webroot is committed to servicing the Asia Pacific in the long term,” he said.

Webroot’s range of SaaS offerings, including e-mail management and Web content security, will be hosted on the data centre and provisioned via the Web.

Irwin described the SaaS provision model as “security outsourcing”, and expects it to provide customers with security expertise that will give them access to up-to-date, enterprise-level infrastructure.

While the technology market is estimated to grow up to 10 percent per annum, the annual growth of SaaS uptake has been estimated at 60 to 70 percent.

According to Webroot’s Asia Pacific managing director, Charles Heunemann, the SaaS model will appeal to resource-tight IT departments in Australia.

“Your typical IT shop will be trying to get more juice for their squeeze, so they’ll tend to hang on to some of their on-premise infrastructure for perhaps longer than they need to, and the refresh cycles on technology aren’t as rapid as in other jurisdictions,” Heunemann said.

“With the introduction of our new SaaS, a lot of the customers out there can completely leapfrog the whole appliance play and go straight to the cloud and take care of the problem there.”

The $1 million data centre forms part of a $10 million investment Webroot has planned for the Australian market during the next two years.

All products and services will be delivered via Webroot’s channel partner base, which currently comprises nine partners, including Clearswift and WebSecure.

Courtesy:  IT News

Tej Kohli bravejournal | Tej Kohli Info

Security experts say internet is under assault! Tej Kohli Security category brings the complete news.

Internet security experts say the Web has become so overrun with identity thieves that users have no way of knowing which sites are safe.

The San Francisco Chronicle said Wednesday that even the largest and most-familiar destinations are vulnerable to thieves who swipe identification numbers, business e-mails and medical records.

Professional criminals and organized crime have ongoing, sustained campaigns to rob consumers blind, said Paul Ferguson, a researcher for Trend Micro.

The culprits seek out flaws in various popular software packages and hack their way into Web sites. From there they can gain access to the server and attack other Web sites, the newspaper reported.

Experts advise Web surfers to keep their Internet browsers updated and regularly sweep their computers for malicious viruses.

Source: United Press International

The Dilbert cartoon is quite a rage now. Tej Kohli found yet another funny Dilbert strip…

Some really funny Management funds by Tej Kohli.

If you too have some rib-tickling episodes to tell, you’re most welcome.

1.”We will do it” means “You will do it”

2.”You have done a great job” means “More work to be given to you”

3.”We are working on it” means “We have not yet started working on the
Same”

4.”Tomorrow first thing in the morning” means “It’s not getting done
“At least not tomorrow!”

5.”After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views” means “I have already decided, I will tell you what to do”

6.”There was a slight miscommunication” means “We had actually lied”

7.”Lets call a meeting and discuss” means “I have no time now, will talk later”

8.”We can always do it” means “We actually cannot do the same on time”

9.”We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline” means “The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time.”

10.”We had slight differences of opinion “means “We had actually fought”

11.”Make a list of the work that you do and let’s see how I can help you” means “Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me”

12.”You should have told me earlier” means “Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!”

13.”We need to find out the real reason” means “Well I will tell you where your fault is”

14.”Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected,” means, “Well you know…”

15.”We are a team,” means, “I am not the only one to be blamed”

16.”That’s actually a good question” means “I do not know anything about it”

17.”All the Best” means “You are in trouble”

So, now next time your manager calls you for meeting, you know what he means, isn’t it?

On May Day, when people all over the world celebrated ‘work culture’, Punjab government employees holidayed on Thursday even as their counterparts in neighbouring Haryana attended offices, enhancing the state’s productivity.

If that does not explain Punjab’s slipping position on the national growth chart, then this simple back-of-the-envelope calculation would - on an average, a Punjab government employee is entitled to enjoy nearly 200 off days in a year, including 104 Saturdays and Sundays, 31 gazetted holidays, two restricted holidays out of the 17 offered days, 20 earned leaves, 10-20 casual leaves and another 20 medical leaves. Add another six-and-a-half days on account of nagar kirtans, and the number tots up to 200 holidays, out of 365 days in a year.

This effectively means that for every one working day, a Punjab government employee can enjoy almost 1.8 days as holidays!

Haryana, too, is liberal with holidays, but not as much as Punjab, as its employees get 28 gazetted holidays and two out of nine restricted holidays, 10 medical leaves (with full pay) or 20 (with half-pay), one to 20 CLs and 22 ELs. There are no half days. So, while Punjab has slipped from number one to seven on the national development scene, Haryana is steadily building up its position.

”On an average, we have 160-180 working days in a year whereas European countries maintain 220 government work days in a year, which should explain why we don’t have a work culture,” observes a senior Punjab government official, who has worked with organizations like UN and World Bank.

Notably, the previous Congress government had tried to correct the position by bringing down the gazetted holidays to just about 17.

Additional resources by Tej Kohli